Friday, March 03, 2006

Tribal Nigerian Joke

This was admittedly inspired by a joke I heard in a movie a long long time ago. Apologies for the 3 main tribes assumption, and if you' don't find it funny.


Three Nigerian men based in Lagos, one Hausa (from Kano), another Igbo (from Onitsha) and the third Yoruba (from Isaleko) all go before God who has promised to grant them each one wish.

The Igbo man goes first and says to God, “Heavenly Father, more than anything else I would like you to bless my hometown of Onitsha, Igboland and all of Eastern Nigeria. Please make this whole region self sufficient, prosperous, and safe for all Igbo people so that we can all return home to our beloved Igboland.” God granted the Igbo man his wish and in that instant the whole of Igboland was made instantly wealthy and all Igbos from all over the world returned to the land from whence they came to enjoy its prosperity

The Hausa man heard the Igbo mans wish and desired the same outcome for all Hausa people. So he says “Allah, you are the most kind, the most merciful, and I ask that you bless my home town of Kano and all of Northern Nigeria. I ask that you make fertile all the arid land covered by the Sahara to provide natural resources that would help make the whole of Northern Nigeria self-sufficient, prosperous, and safe for all Hausa people.” God granted the Hausa man his wish and in that instant all of Northern Nigeria became prosperous and all Northerners returned home to enjoy this prosperity .

Then God turned to the Yoruba man and said, and asked what his wish was. But the Yoruba man deliberated and said “Almighty God, before I ask for my wish I want to make sure I understand something correctly. Are you telling me that all the Igbo and Hausa people have all left Lagos and returned to their various homelands?” God said “Yes, of course. So what is your wish”. The Yoruba man says “In that case can I please just have some Guguru and Epa”.

The Dichotomy of Naija:

In Naija there are two types of :

Guys: Those with cars and those without

Cars: Those with A/C and those without

Houses: Those with Generators and those without

Generators: Those that carry A/C and those that don't.

Babes: Those who don't yansh and those who say they don't yansh

Mobile phones: Those with credit and those without

Lagos: Lagos Island and Lagos Mainland

Parties: Those with chops and those without

Clubs: Those with Ashees and those without

Food: Those that will give you diarrhoea and those that wont

Water: Pure water and Everything else

Men: Those with BO and those without

Women: Those with BO and those without

Club nights: Those where you have to pay to get in and those where you don’t

Roads: Those with pot holes and those with really bad pot holes

Okada: Those with Car horns and those with Lorry horns

Police: Those with guns and those you don’t HAVE to give money to

Internet Café: Those with yahoo boys (419) and those without

Mosquitoes: Those that bite you and those that give you Malaria

Car parks: Those with touts and those without.

Alaye Scoro